
There is a significant difference in being lonely and being alone. Loneliness is an emotional reaction to the absence of company. It’s the ego’s selfish way of reminding you that it exists. The gift of aloneness should be treasured, yet it is often detested. It takes courage to be alone. Cherish seclusion and take pleasure in the moments where reflection, contemplation, imagination and creation give birth to your future. Stay in tune. When the presence of another is needed for communion, your spirit will always direct you to where you are supposed to be. Perspective:
It is hard at times to ignore that fact that our telephone is not ringing or our door knob hasn’t been knocked what seems like ages. We as humans have a propensity to become so accustomed to the beckoning of our friends, loved ones, admirers and suitors that when silence enters into our space, we grow concerned; afraid even. I encourage you to recognize silence and alone time as a chance to remember you – remember who you are and where you come from. Spirit has/is presenting you with an opportunity to fine tune the individuality that is hidden beneath your proverbial hood. Sometimes these moments of self-grooming are necessary, so that when those who were seemingly absent return to your space, your new and radiant reflection will serve as an inspiration for others to find delight in their own alone time.
I was recently inspired by the words of an acquaintance, Debbie Lynn Clark-Laughlin when she stated that “loneliness is being uncomfortable with being alone. Being alone is mandatory for clean thought without judgment. When you are alone you can listen, when you are lonely, you hear nothing but distortion and corruption of your soul. Embrace the solitude; relish your visions in your heart. Remember that there is nothing better than you and…you should be honored to be in your own company.”
The great Taoist master Lao Tzu says, “The ordinary men hate solitude. But the Master makes use of it, embracing his aloneness, realizing he is one with the whole universe.” This implies that until we master the state of being that finds us connected to Source of all provision, we may never discover the jewels that bring joy to our spirits. I have come to discover great profundity in the notion that life is truly counting on us to be ourselves. How can we do this if we have no idea who we are? How can we know who we are if we are constantly surrounded by the presence of others? Most of us see ourselves through the eyes of others. That is the natural cause and effect of maintaining relationships – it is how we come to know who we are and who we are not. But the true cultivation of self comes when there is no one else around.
I share these words of enlightenment with you not because I am trying to teach or show you how to find peace in your bouts of loneliness. No, I am simply sharing them because I too struggle with fighting the overwhelming need to solicit pity when I feel there is no one in the world who “loves me.” I am constantly reminding myself that this proclamation is nowhere near valid; that my sentiment of isolation is really self-imposed grief.
My life is not designed like most. I come from a very small family of four (a sister, mother and father) where for some reason being exposed to extended family was not high on the priority list. Needless to say I am paying for it in my mature years as I do my best to live a life with very little familiarity. In fact I have very little contact with anyone (my mother, my sister and an aunt) who shares the same bloodline as me. There are no family vacations, reunions or get-togethers for me to look forward to when holidays, birthdays or special days of recognition come around. I didn’t design my life to be this way. I am not intentionally alienating myself from existing family members whom I have never met. It is just how the cards fell. True, it can get rather lonely, yet I try with all my might to direct my self-centered, woe-is-me thoughts back to the spirit within so that I remain in alignment with the Creator of all things. It is the only way with which I can be directed to the kindred spirits that are available for interaction and exchange. I now know that as long as I stay focused on the lack in my life, it is all I will ever have. Therefore much of my attention goes towards that which I am grateful to have attained in my evolution – including the great people who have crossed my path and are in my life.
Embrace your solitude. Sidestep the fear of being introduced to the things you may not like about yourself. Find a way to recognize areas you need help with so that you can overcome the things that may be hindering your from experiencing complete fulfillment. In balancing peace and comfort while in the presence of self, you can reflect on areas of change that will enhance your physical experience so that it is parallel to that which of your spirit. Rid yourself of negative emotions regarding things that may be present/absent in your life. Take delight in the opportunity to discover new things, new tastes, new sights and sounds. Go someplace you have never been. Do something you have always wanted to do. Meditate. Find the rhythm of your heartbeat so that you may boogie with the call of your life. Use your imagination to travel to new places without even leaving your door step. There are a plethora of things you can do to make the best use of your alone time.
Lastly, here is something unique I have recently discovered happens once I manage to shift my perspective from loneliness to seeing the gift of aloneness as an opportunity to replenish that which seems to be missing. Once comfort of being with myself – rather than by myself – has settled in, I notice that I will receive a phone call or a text messages from someone I hadn’t heard from in a long period of time. Invitations to places I’d always wanted to seem to arise from out of nowhere. My awareness of and appreciation for my surrounding will bring about the manifestation of a tune played that will remind me of all the cherished times I have had the pleasure of experiencing throughout my life. I recognize that had I been distracted or involved in useless things just to fill a void, some of these things never would occur.
Now, because I am comfortable with self, I can trust that my spirit will always directs me towards that which I need, including the time to sit alone.
Affirm: Regardless of circumstance or environment, I am never alone as long as I have me. My ego does not determine my state of existence when there is no one else around to distract me. When I am alone, I am peace, I am love, I am spirit – I AM alive and fully present.