The Gift of Aloneness

Statement:
There is a significant difference in being lonely and being alone. Loneliness is an emotional reaction to the absence of company. It’s the ego’s selfish way of reminding you that it exists. The gift of aloneness should be treasured, yet it is often detested. It takes courage to be alone. Cherish seclusion and take pleasure in the moments where reflection, contemplation, imagination and creation give birth to your future. Stay in tune. When the presence of another is needed for communion, your spirit will always direct you to where you are supposed to be. Perspective:
It is hard at times to ignore that fact that our telephone is not ringing or our door knob hasn’t been knocked what seems like ages. We as humans have a propensity to become so accustomed to the beckoning of our friends, loved ones, admirers and suitors that when silence enters into our space, we grow concerned; afraid even. I encourage you to recognize silence and alone time as a chance to remember you – remember who you are and where you come from. Spirit has/is presenting you with an opportunity to fine tune the individuality that is hidden beneath your proverbial hood. Sometimes these moments of self-grooming are necessary, so that when those who were seemingly absent return to your space, your new and radiant reflection will serve as an inspiration for others to find delight in their own alone time.

I was recently inspired by the words of an acquaintance, Debbie Lynn Clark-Laughlin when she stated that “loneliness is being uncomfortable with being alone. Being alone is mandatory for clean thought without judgment. When you are alone you can listen, when you are lonely, you hear nothing but distortion and corruption of your soul. Embrace the solitude; relish your visions in your heart. Remember that there is nothing better than you and…you should be honored to be in your own company.”

The great Taoist master Lao Tzu says, “The ordinary men hate solitude. But the Master makes use of it, embracing his aloneness, realizing he is one with the whole universe.” This implies that until we master the state of being that finds us connected to Source of all provision, we may never discover the jewels that bring joy to our spirits. I have come to discover great profundity in the notion that life is truly counting on us to be ourselves. How can we do this if we have no idea who we are? How can we know who we are if we are constantly surrounded by the presence of others? Most of us see ourselves through the eyes of others. That is the natural cause and effect of maintaining relationships – it is how we come to know who we are and who we are not. But the true cultivation of self comes when there is no one else around.

I share these words of enlightenment with you not because I am trying to teach or show you how to find peace in your bouts of loneliness. No, I am simply sharing them because I too struggle with fighting the overwhelming need to solicit pity when I feel there is no one in the world who “loves me.” I am constantly reminding myself that this proclamation is nowhere near valid; that my sentiment of isolation is really self-imposed grief.
My life is not designed like most. I come from a very small family of four (a sister, mother and father) where for some reason being exposed to extended family was not high on the priority list. Needless to say I am paying for it in my mature years as I do my best to live a life with very little familiarity. In fact I have very little contact with anyone (my mother, my sister and an aunt) who shares the same bloodline as me. There are no family vacations, reunions or get-togethers for me to look forward to when holidays, birthdays or special days of recognition come around. I didn’t design my life to be this way. I am not intentionally alienating myself from existing family members whom I have never met. It is just how the cards fell. True, it can get rather lonely, yet I try with all my might to direct my self-centered, woe-is-me thoughts back to the spirit within so that I remain in alignment with the Creator of all things. It is the only way with which I can be directed to the kindred spirits that are available for interaction and exchange. I now know that as long as I stay focused on the lack in my life, it is all I will ever have. Therefore much of my attention goes towards that which I am grateful to have attained in my evolution – including the great people who have crossed my path and are in my life.

Embrace your solitude. Sidestep the fear of being introduced to the things you may not like about yourself. Find a way to recognize areas you need help with so that you can overcome the things that may be hindering your from experiencing complete fulfillment. In balancing peace and comfort while in the presence of self, you can reflect on areas of change that will enhance your physical experience so that it is parallel to that which of your spirit. Rid yourself of negative emotions regarding things that may be present/absent in your life. Take delight in the opportunity to discover new things, new tastes, new sights and sounds. Go someplace you have never been. Do something you have always wanted to do. Meditate. Find the rhythm of your heartbeat so that you may boogie with the call of your life. Use your imagination to travel to new places without even leaving your door step. There are a plethora of things you can do to make the best use of your alone time.

Lastly, here is something unique I have recently discovered happens once I manage to shift my perspective from loneliness to seeing the gift of aloneness as an opportunity to replenish that which seems to be missing. Once comfort of being with myself – rather than by myself – has settled in, I notice that I will receive a phone call or a text messages from someone I hadn’t heard from in a long period of time. Invitations to places I’d always wanted to seem to arise from out of nowhere. My awareness of and appreciation for my surrounding will bring about the manifestation of a tune played that will remind me of all the cherished times I have had the pleasure of experiencing throughout my life. I recognize that had I been distracted or involved in useless things just to fill a void, some of these things never would occur.


Now, because I am comfortable with self, I can trust that my spirit will always directs me towards that which I need, including the time to sit alone.



Affirm: Regardless of circumstance or environment, I am never alone as long as I have me. My ego does not determine my state of existence when there is no one else around to distract me. When I am alone, I am peace, I am love, I am spirit – I AM alive and fully present.

K Banks ©2009

Artist of the day: Debbie Lylnn Clark Laughlin.

Title: True Color 2

Open Your Heart

Be like nature. Much like the ocean remains accessible to that which flows from rivers and streams from the highest of mountain tops to the lowest of reservoirs, allow your heart to be uncluttered of scars, pain, and weakness. Allow that which serves to be an obstruction in your brook to be used as the very thing that will purify your waters as you connect yourself the great Abyss from which you were created.

In order to maintain balance at the center of your being, place emphasis on working from the inside of your life (spirit) to the external personage (body) that you present to the world. It does absolutely no good to work from the outside in. Take a look around your current surroundings. See if you can find a method that would serve not only as a solution for clearing up your space for the sake of peace of mind, but would also be affective in clearing out all the junk that keeps your heart clenched or unreceptive to that which needs changing at your core. You will find that it is just about impossible to alter the aesthetics of your existence as a means of eliminate the internal mess that no one can see but you.

Throughout my journey, I have discovered that one of the easiest ways to maintain balance in your life (both internally and externally), is through purification and the purging of all emotional miscellany that keeps you from attaining the life you aspire to live. It is also the most affective way to begin your ascension towards acquiring inner peace which will ultimately lead to the manifestation of harmony in your external existence.

Your authentic self, which is roused by the Spirit dwelling at the center of your being, can only be moved through the balance – or lack there of – maintained in your heart. I encourage you to do the work it takes to heal your heart of its wounds. Only then will you be able to have increase in all areas of your life. To preserve balance, one must possess a heart that is receptive, unimpeded, egoless, and courageous. These are the very characteristics that will help you navigate your way through uncharted territories with the confidence that comes with being connected to all things positive and abundant.

Having a clear and open heart will enable you to experience life from a love-inspired perspective (something we all were born with but have somehow lost along the way). Though probably the most challenging task in obtaining balance in your life, maintaining clarity will also allow for the natural ebb and flow of giving and receiving, which is also innately inherent within each and every being on this planet. Positive expectation will become the natural state in which you carry out your day to day existence. Just your presence alone will grant affirmative outlooks to others who connect with you throughout your day. Thus, at long last you will be compelled to walk in the spirit of knowing are heir to goodness and abundance that the Creator provides.

I can attest to all that has been mentioned above by simply offering my presence, my gift of word and my passion for inspiring unto you. You see, I am a woman who once waded in the shallow but deadly pools of pity, spending much of my time waiting and expecting a change in my life that never seemed to manifest. My background would never serve as proof of the woman I have become today (well, I digress as I suppose it would be a matter of perspective). Pain, dysfunction, and emotional confusion have led me to walk down pathways that look extremely dissimilar to the life I am living now. I harbored resentment and detested the authority figures of my childhood for neglecting to carry out the deeds of parenting (God bless my parents for I love them very much today and understand they did the best they knew how) in the form of which I felt I needed in order to flourish. For years I had no concept of what it meant to be strong. I was only strong by default; because I had no other choice. I made choices and surrounded myself with people that could have been detrimental to my success, because it was what made me feel better. Though it sounds ridiculous, as long as I was miserable, filled with anguish and had someone to blame, I was actually happy – content with being unhappy.

The day came where I got tired of living in sadness. I was exhausted with searching for love in all the wrong places and collecting the pains administered by sufferers who had no other outlet but in someone else who looked like them emotionally - me. I grew weary of being happy about being unhappy. In that moment, I succumbed to the desire to live, to thrive, to be something other than what my past had dictated for me. I made the decision to do the work to rid myself of anguish and disillusion; to start healing my heart and forgiving myself for having lived in such a fashion for so long. I also began to forgive the people of my past so that I could move into my future as a contributor of light, rather than a perpetuation of darkness.

Now…I can see the flow of life. I can see my connection to the Source of all things. My heart is an ocean, and I put effort into keeping my rivers flowing freely. I am even more mindful of where I channel my energies. It was most challenging when I first began my quest, however over the years, being centered and tapped in to peace and love has become a very prominent part of my existence. It is who I am.

I have been asked on many occasion, how it is that can remain so positive, so inspirational, so empowered and so encouraging, considering where I have been and where I come from. I do not really have an answer, for it would serve as a means of an ego-centered self to take credit for that which has been designed for me to carry out. I will say this, the change in my life, in my outlook and in my connection came about the moment I decided to open my heart. It is my aspiration to inspire others to do the same.

Affirm: Even if for a moment, an hour or a day…my heart is open and free of all that has hurt me. Just like the Source exists for me, I am also a source to those who are in need of something that I can offer naturally.


Spotlight Photographer: Vladimir Piskunov

Imagery available at istockphoto.com

October Spotlight Artitst: Photographer Marlo Herring

Marlo Herring
Through the Eyes of a Magician

Upon first glance of Marlo Herring - standing approximately 5’ 8” wearing a fitted tee shirt, sneakers, short Mohawk, and a contagious smile accompanied by a charming personality - you will initially notice a confident stride and a never-emptying coffee cup in his right hand. After some consideration, it would be safe to assume that this cat carries the air of an artist. Even after an in depth conversation about live and its universal rhythms, his choice of medium remains a mystery to those who are merely satisfied with his presence alone. Nevertheless, most are quite intrigued when they learn that Marlo Herring is a photographer and equally impressed when the degree of his gift is finally displayed; the very gift that also makes him a magician in his own right.

Raised in Atlanta, Georgia, Marlo Herring’s first influence of photography came from his father and watching nature shows. Being an “only child” of a father (and mother) who used a 35mm SLR camera in the 80’s to document family events, there is no wonder how the curious urges of this budding artist paved a path towards the discovery of his own purpose and passion.

Still, it wasn’t until he reached the age of twelve when the desires of becoming a photographer began to push Marlo across the threshold of mind-numbing reality and into a world of imagination. An inquisitive mind propelled him to learn more about the camera and how it worked. There he discovered, in the womb of his father’s camera and the pages of National Geographic, his first love – journalism photography. In the 11th grade he was introduced to the idea of Commercial Photography by a man named Cedric Pendleton (who would later introduce Marlo to Darryl Lane), where he learned that there was more to photography than taking shots of the wild animals of the Sahara or current news events and tragedies; that there were actually opportunities for photographers in advertising, promotion and marketing (headshots, ads, posters, press kits, etc).

After attending Clark Atlanta and acquiring a degree in Graphic Design, Marlo continued on to spend the next three years as a photographer’s assistant to two prominent photographers in the area: Earnest Washington and Darryl Lane. One of his greatest inspirations comes from a man by the name of Henry Cartier-Bresson – a photographer known for “capturing the decisive moment.” As photography is an ever-changing and ever-evolving industry of sorts, Marlo finds himself absorbed in incessant intrigue. “There is always something to learn about photography,” Marlo states. Because of this, Marlo has attained a greater appreciation for the notion of using his camera as a perfect means to bridge the gap between art and technology. “Man, photography for me…it’s magical…being able to capture a once in a life time moment. It’s what keeps me interested. If eyes are a window to the soul, then a camera is a window for the eyes.”



An enthusiast that recognizes the ingenuity exuding from the images captured by Marlo would have to wonder if his works are in fact intentional or magical moments seized by accident. “I use the camera as a third eye, as a device to help others see what is inside my head, whether it be for commercial shooting or street photography,” says Marlo. “I am less of a participant and more of an observer.” Over the years, it has become the photographer’s intent to catch and portray the rhythm of life inside his images; that spiritual “OM” (chanting) of the universe that most people are not aware of in their every day going-ons.

As a product of the hip-hop generation, Marlo often refers to his works as having a quirky alternative vibe, mixed with some musical influence. In fact, it is that same appeal that has allowed him to attain such clients as India Arie, The Dungeon Family (Goody Mob, Out Cast, & The Witch Doctor), Van Hunt, Bow Wow and JD (So So Def), Sony Music and Sonday – all heavy hitters in the Neo-Soul and Hip-Hop industry. “I went to college with a lot of them. Most of them were my friends before they were clients,” Marlo recalls. “I remember when I used to hang out in basement parties – these real eclectic, basement settings around Atlanta, where everyone would get together and vibe - play music, share their work. I met India Arie at one of these gatherings. She had been playing the guitar for only six months at the time…”

Even after years of assisting some of the most skilled photographers in the area, it took Marlo several years to acquire the self-assurance needed to consider himself a professional photographer. Eventually, in 2000 (after training on paid and non-paying gigs from 1993 – 1999) he began to embrace the idea of being what others already claimed him to be. “I had to gain the confidence – for myself, in my skill, and for the level of clients of which I worked for. So I stayed an assistant until I was convinced myself that I had the skills it took to do it and be it.”

It’s for certain that there are two layers of uniqueness in Marlo’s more creative works. One gets a sense of lightness, of genuine love, when simply peering at the surface of his photographs. However, after taking a further glimpse into the heart of his pieces, a force of melancholy will ultimately emerge, ensnaring the observer into an alluring state of awareness and inspiration; almost hypnotically. If properly attuned with the universe, one may even get the sense that the individual behind the camera is one who is connected to a source beyond our own comprehension.

In hopes that the artist sitting before me would offer a hint of depth and substance to a question that I’d had floating inside my head since we first took our seats, I asked, “When you look at your work, what can you say about it that makes you an above average photographer? What makes you “not so average?” Bugged eyes and a dropped jaw led me to believe that my query had shocked Marlo, almost as if I had the audacity to try to infiltrate pieces of his mind that one outside of himself has yet to charter - that part of his brain and heart where confidence resides. Suddenly, as a smile begins tugging at the corners of his lips, he answers. “I really do feel that there is something metaphysical behind my images. I feel like it is the hidden messages about mankind that sets my work apart from other photographers, you can see the souls of the people I shoot.”

It is my turn to smile now, proud of my fellow artist, as my own mind absorbs his answer. He continues on to say: “Everybody walking the earth is walking around with only a piece of the ‘answer,’ but no one has the whole piece. We are, as individuals, at the core, very selfish and could care less about what happens to our fellow man…even though, principally and moralistically, we try to do the ‘right’ thing. I feel like this: the more we open our hearts and minds to the path of less resistance - the current of life, instead of always fighting ourselves, the universe will begin to conspire in our favor.”

Finally I ask him, “Who is Marlo Herring?” I already understand that there is a duality to his personality – a jovial side and a serious, analytical side. I wonder if he even realizes he is unlike most men I have met (or most women for that matter); a man who is in love with love…not just romantic love but a love for people, a love for life. He replies with the infectious grin. “I am silly, I love to joke. I live inside my own head. Marlo is a weird guy who is interested in what makes people tick…always searching, always looking for nostalgia, for answers. And…I am a hopeless romantic; I always have been.”

I smile again. That is good enough.

K. Banks

Visit: www.marloherring.com to view photography by Marlo Herring